I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
