Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
