I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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