You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
