I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
