Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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