If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
