you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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