i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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