This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
