Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
