If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
