What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
