Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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