I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
