i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
