i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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