My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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