She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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