I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
