I am puke
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
