I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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