I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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