Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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