I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
