We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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