The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize