well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
