i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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