Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I smell like Dick and happiness
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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