Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
