I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
