okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
