hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
