i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I currently don't understand fingers.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
