I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
