you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have aggressive nipples.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize