I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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