Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
