I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
