i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
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The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
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How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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