Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
