My cat gives me a boner
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
