I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
