he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
