guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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