I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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