I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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