there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
