i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
