i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
