its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
