Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
