He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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