If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
