I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
