I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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