We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
