sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
