Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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