i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
