when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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