but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
