Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
