The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
