Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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