I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
