My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Floor bacon is actually really good
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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