I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
