At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
