First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
