i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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