3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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