butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
