Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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